Mahatma Gandhi was not just a social, political and spiritual icon, but was a loving and caring husband too. Let’s look into the this less focused arena of the legend by taking references from his celebrated autobiography My Experiments with Truth – yes few life-changing lessons on relationship from his life, actions and writings.
My Experiments with Truth, the autobiography of the ‘Father of the Nation’ Mahatma Gandhi, surfaces in every list of best biographies and autobiographies of all time. The book beautifully highlights the moral and spiritual aspects of the great leader along with the social and political circumstances of the time. Here is an attempt to delve into Gandhiji’s humble accounts of his life to discover lessons on relationship.
- Offer a Level Playing Field to Your Spouse
“If I had the right to impose restrictions on her, had not she also a similar right?”
In Chapter 4, Playing the Husband, Mr. Gandhi frankly confesses his mistake in the early days of his marriage: superimposing his thoughts and authority over Kasturba as a husband. In the quoted line, he questions his conscience. His humble account emphasizes that you should offer a level playing field to your spouse. This is, perhaps, the very innate aspect of gender equality as well.
Wondering about the difference between what he practiced and what he preached in his autobiography? Well, taking into account their child marriage (he was married at thirteen, and Kasturba was also of the same age) and the social circumstances of the time, you will not blame him much. Moreover, he admitted the bitter fact of his life. He also encountered it: “Let not the reader think, however, that ours was a life of unrelieved bitterness. For my severities were all based on love.”
- Honour the Feelings of Your Spouse
‘Doctor, tell me what you propose to do now. I would never allow my wife to be given meat or beef, even if the denial meant her death, unless of course she desired to take it.’
In Chapter 105, ‘Kasturba’s Courage’, Gandhiji recalls an incident from their stay in South Africa. Kasturba suffered a serious illness and was admitted to the hospital, where the doctor prescribed beef tea for her. Though Gandhiji was an ardent supporter of vegetarianism, and did not want it to be given as a remedy, he left it to Kasturba to decide whether to take the tea or refuse it. Ultimately, she also thought the same way as her husband and said no to the prescribed medication.
This incident illustrates how respecting your spouse’s right to decide for herself cements your relationship further.
- Have Unshakable Trust in Your Partner
‘Pray forgive me. Knowing you, I should not have provoked you. I promise to abstain from these things, but for heaven’s sake take back your vow. This is too hard on me.’
In Chapter 106, Domestic Satyagraha, Gandhiji recounts an incident where he suggested to his wife to practice self-restraint and give up salt and pulses for a considerable amount of time to get rid of her haemorrhage. Initially, she was reluctant to adopt it, but later she undertook the litmus-test. Her condition improved and the haemorrhage completely stopped. It was her unshakable trust in Gandhiji that helped her emerge out of the health crisis.
Trust instils positive attitude in both partners and empowers them to enjoy each other’s company, listen to sound advice from each other and overcome challenges together.
- Don’t Hesitate in Seeking Forgiveness
“Those pearl-drops of love cleansed my heart, and washed my sin away.”
In Chapter 8, Stealing and Atonement, he writes a letter of confession to his father regarding two instances of stealing in his life. He wrote the letter not out of a fear of punishment on being caught, rather he was afraid of the pain his father would have to undergo if he came to know later.
The first instance of stealing was when he used to steal coins from the pocket of their servant to pursue his desire of smoking. At that time, he was just twelve or thirteen years old. And, the second theft was about stealing a bit of gold out of his brother’s armlet.
But after admitting his mistakes in front of his father he felt a huge relief, as expressed in the quote above. The takeaway is that never hesitate in seeking apology from your partner if you realize that you have done some mistakes that might have hurt your partner.
- Stay Faithful and Down to Earth
“Because faith can move mountains.”
Mahatma Gandhi completed his law and jurisprudence study in London, England, but he stayed true to the 3 vows he made to his mother: first, to abstain from non-vegetarian food; second, to stay away from liquor and, third, to treat all other women as mother and sister. Though he witnessed criticism and disrespect from the society there, he did not compromise on the teachings inculcated and completed his study successfully.
Likewise, you should stay faithful to your partner, no matter what situations you come across in life. This will help you to nurture a trustworthy relationship.
Hope you enjoyed reading about the lesser known facts about the charismatic persona, whose life is almost a sea of knowledge as he said “My Life is My Message”.
Enjoy your relationship!
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